If you’re married, remember the moment you either walked down the aisle, or like me, waited at the altar for your Bride? It’s an exhilarating feeling knowing your life is about to be forever changed. The music and fanfare, but all you care about is the person on the other side of the aisle. But what happens after it all wears off and life settles in.
This Thursday will be four years since Kari and I tied the knot. The weeks of planning and waiting, the day finally arrived. Yet, when I think back to simpler days, where I only had myself to worry about, it sounds like a good idea.
Hear me out. Wouldn’t it be nice to find that life is all about you: your time, your dollar, your likes, your dislikes? You can even leave dirty underwear laying around without anyone to ask you to pick them up. Sounds like a good life, doesn’t it?
What if you realize that there is more to life? What if you find that one person who turns your whole outlook on life upside down and inside out. You can’t breathe, you can’t eat you can’t even sleep without thinking about her. She becomes your whole world, your everything.
I have seen marriages begin like this, then after time, they drift apart and the marriage dissolves. Maybe you’re in a situation where you don’t know if your marriage will survive. Maybe you’re fine but you want to take your marriage to the next level.
I want to give you 5 secrets to keeping your marriage hot.
1. Sit and talk.
This may seen silly to some, but a marriage that doesn’t work on communication is a marriage that will fail. One thing that keeps a successful relationship strong is consistent communication. It’s all about being social with each other. Marriage is a dance where you learn to understand what each other is trying to say.
So sit, listen to each other and talk about life. Dream together. Talk about your fears and desires. Think through where you want your marriage to be in 5/10 years from now.
2. Treat each other as equals.
Have you seen a two-headed coin? It can’t be used as legal tender, or can it? Men and women are different. But when it comes to a successful marriage we believe that men are the “head” of the household. They make the rules and the women are to follow them.
It’s not about creating an atmosphere of demanding submission, it’s about honoring your spouse. In 1 Peter 1:3; “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
In other words, if you view your wife as inferior you’ll see the end of your marriage. But if we take a biblical approach of honoring and caring for them, treating them as heirs of grace you’ll have a wife who’ll honor you in return.
3. Get involved in a church community.
So many people try and do life alone. It doesn’t matter who you are, human beings are meant for community. As a Christian, I find solace and hope in the local church. A church community creates a safe haven and support network of friends for the wife, and a group of like-minded men to lift up the husband when he needs a lending hand.
If you don’t have a community of mentors, you’re living a dangerous game. You’ll end up acting upon impulse instead of sound, godly counsel. Accountability creates a net of safety and stability for the marriage.
4. Don’t go to bed angry.
Fights are inevitable. They happen when sparks fly. Maybe miscommunication or something said out of line. Whatever the case, fights happen.
Marriage is a place where your patience is tested, tried and proven. But why do so many fail at this? They allow anger to build and resentment to settle into their heart. Paul said this in the Holy Bible, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph. 4:26, NASB).
When you take the time to forgive and forget, you’ll find a happier home and a happier spouse. Don’t allow anger to rule your day, learn to walk in an attitude of forgiveness. If you don’t your marriage will explode like a bomb.
5. Keep sex alive.
There are two things that destroy marriages faster than anything; sex and money. With the prevalence of pornography, lust and adultery it’s no wonder divorce is at an all-time high. The number one sign of problems in marriage is a lack of sex and intimacy between a husband and wife.
Sex is a normal part of marriage. When God created Adam and Eve he said, “Be fruitful and multiply…”. This means sex must happen between a married man and woman to have a lasting and successful marriage. It’s unhealthy for couples to withhold sex or use it as a weapon of hurt against the other.
The Apostle Paul said to the Corinthian church, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and also the wife to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3). A healthy sex life is what holds a marriage together.
If you want to create a lasting marriage that will stand the test of time, take these five secrets to heart. It takes the little things to show our love and appreciation for our spouse.
Go out from time to time and buy your wife a bouquet of flowers–just because. Maybe she’ll go out of her way to give you a bag of gummy bears. (I love gummy bears.) Maybe whisper sweet talk in her ear. Clean-up after yourself. Put your spouses needs before your own.
Ultimately be there for your spouse for everything. It doesn’t take much to show your love. It’s up to us as to demonstrate our love. If we hold our emotions in check, sometimes we’ll go through life without ever saying I love you. Don’t become another statistic for divorce, cherish your spouse, honor, listen and forgive.
Question: Which of these 5 secrets do you need to work on in your marriage? Leave a comment by clicking here!